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Lert's guide to killing unicums.


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Lert #1 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:13

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How to kill a unicum?
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Don't.
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Allow me to explain.
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Unicums are, by their nature, by and large buttholes. They'll use their pubbie potatoes as eyes, as meat shields, as pawns in their grand game of strategy. Oh they can be real nice people on the forum and in person, but in the game, most of them are buttholes who play a dangerous game of chess with their pubbies as the fodder which they'll happily sacrifice if it furthers their goals: doing damage, beating you, winning the match.
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This is what makes them dangerous.
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They're (metaphorically if not physically) behind a group of pubbie tanks, all with guns, and focusing on the unicum will get you killed by their pubbie horde's guns faster than you can say 'lickety split'. Throw yourself at the unicum in the hope to finish him off, and you'll trade away far more hitpoints than you'll remove from him. Strip away his shield of pubbies and he become vulnerable.
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That's right.
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You want to defeat a unicum? Get rid of his potato friends, first.
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However, this is also very dangerous. Because while you're engaging his pubbie shield, he'll find a sneaky way around to put a round into your engine, if you're not careful.
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Lert's tips for dealing with unicums:
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Tip the first: Take shots of opportunity at him if they present themselves, but focus on stripping away his pubbies first.
Tip the second: Watch your minimap. While you're whittling away his pawns, watch out that he doesn't flank you.
Tip the third: Stay together. Just like soldiers in a movie hunting monsters, stay in groups of two. If you wander off alone, you're bound to get picked off.
Tip the fourth: Have lots of luck. And / or capable teammates.
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So, now you've stripped away his pubbie shield. Now what? Is he now defeated?
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No. He's still dangerous. He's still smart. He's still better than you. And now he's annoyed at you.
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Tip the fifth: See Tip the third.
Tip the sixth: See Tip the fourth.
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Does this mean you have to ignore him until his pubbies are gone?
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No. Watch your minimap. Keep track of where and when he's spotted. Don't give him easy shots. He's almost guaranteed to take them. If you get a shot of opportunity at this unicum, take it. He hates that. It annoys him to become damaged when he over-exposes himself. Just don't make him the focus of your efforts, until his screen of pubbie meat is gone.
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So, doing this means I can always beat unicums? Cool!
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No. It just makes it a little bit harder for him to farm you. He's still a unicum. He's still better than you. Or me. Or your teammates. And he'll still go down swinging, clawing, biting and stabbing. As long as he has hitpoints, he's still very, very dangerous. These tips just even the playing field a little.
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Tip the seventh: See Tip the sixth.
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A king without pawns is no king at all.



_Zesty_ #2 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:16

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Step 8 : If nothing else works, drown him to death with your pubbie tears.
It is a known fact that unicums survive on pub tears, but how much can they take?

kittikat #3 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:20

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View PostLert, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:13, said:

No. He's still dangerous. He's still smart. He's still better than you. And now he's annoyed at you.

This made me giggle uncontrollably.

john3deere #4 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:20

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Lert i dont like this post :(

pappina #5 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:20

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Lert, have you ever considered taking all your guides and putting them on their own website? It would make it so much easier for noobs to sort through them all.

BaerenGott #6 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:21

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Nice tactical synopsis Lert.  I see you're mid-300s in the Alley right now.  Congratulations, and best of luck towards victory, some medals, and maybe a tank!

kittikat #7 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:21

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View Postpappina, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:20, said:

Lert, have you ever considered taking all your guides and putting them on their own website? It would make it so much easier for noobs to sort through them all.

wotlabs forums.

deathmachine16 #8 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:21

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View Postzstsz, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:16, said:

Step 8 : If nothing else works, drown him to death with your pubbie tears.
It is a known fact that unicums survive on pub tears how much can they take?
Posted Image

Althie #9 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:23

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Lert, why you do this??

dagengster #10 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:23

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View PostLert, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:13, said:


Unicums are, by their nature, by and large buttholes. They'll use their pubbie potatoes as eyes, as meat shields, as pawns in their grand game of strategy.
Their not all butts. just most of them. like about 99% of them. Some try actually make attempts at not being butts.

______Ricochet______ #11 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:26

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If you dont want to deal with a unicum, play tiers 5-6 like i do. Anything above tier 8 is filled with tryhard elitist shitwads and not fun in my opinion

Terrachova #12 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:27

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The ultimate key is to kill potatoes faster than the potato-killer can kill yours.

pappina #13 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:27

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Using this guide, I will kill all uniscum. Starting with Lert.

Lert #14 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:29

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View Postpappina, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:20, said:

Lert, have you ever considered taking all your guides and putting them on their own website? It would make it so much easier for noobs to sort through them all.
Clicky.
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View PostAlthalus85, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:23, said:

Lert, why you do this??
Posted Image
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Meow.
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View Postpappina, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:27, said:

Using this guide, I will kill all uniscum. Starting with Lert.
I am not a unicum. Far from. I'm just an elevated potato with a better grasp of theoretical than practical gameplay. Better at peaching than at practicing what I preach.
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View PostTerrachova, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:27, said:

The ultimate key is to kill potatoes faster than the potato-killer can kill yours.
Yes.

ysoignorant #15 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:31

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...but we get all our mad damages from people farming our pawns. Doing what you said is a bad idea, because we get to farm mad damages off of you.

View Posteduarddato12, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:26, said:

If you dont want to deal with a unicum, play tiers 5-6 like i do. Anything above tier 8 is filled with tryhard elitist shitwads and not fun in my opinion


Mmmm, tears.

dagengster #16 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:31

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View Posteduarddato12, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:26, said:

If you dont want to deal with a unicum, play tiers 5-6 like i do. Anything above tier 8 is filled with tryhard elitist shitwads and not fun in my opinion
Eh, I like T8s the most because it feature a diverse range of tanks. Plus T8 prems make the most dough.

dagengster #17 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:32

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View PostLert, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:29, said:



Posted Image
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Meow.
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Posted Image

Lert #18 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:33

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View Postysoignorant, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:31, said:

...but we get all our mad damages from people farming our pawns. Doing what you said is a bad idea, because we get to farm mad damages off of you.
Focusing on you means your pawns get free shots into him as well as you shooting him, and his pawns are far easier to farm than you are while your pawns are still alive.

Besides, getting pawns out of the match = damage done = better chance of winning = better stats = better player.

Midreus #19 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:34

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View PostTerrachova, on Nov 10 2013 - 17:27, said:

The ultimate key is to kill potatoes faster than the potato-killer can kill yours.

wouldn't that make you a unicum yourself and therefore a butthole

Whee #20 Posted Nov 10 2013 - 17:35

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^_^

Unicums, you're next >=D

*gets pwned by unicums next match*

Maybe another time...

Good post as usual Lert :D




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