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Battle of the Bulge, Greatest Christmas Movie Ever Made?

Battle of the Bulge Movie Review

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Sventex #1 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:16

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So I just watched the Battle of the Bulge for the first time.  Quite the "experience".

It's just like The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, only filmed in a non-WWII country.

 

Ahh yes, to the North, Montgomery's Eighth Army in Italy.  Must be toasty in Belgium.

 

And to the south, Patton's Third Army in France.  Wait, south of Italy and North of France?  Where is Belgium? 

 

 

 The map of Europe confounds us Americans.

 

 

But anyway, the Battle of the Bulge is a true classic.  None of that CGI crap, everything had to be filmed for real!

 

 

But let's not forget this is a Christmas movie!  Will the American forces save Christmas?

 

 

 

The Grumpy German Grinch is mad that the American can have fresh Christmas Cake flown in from Boston.  This will not stand!  

 

 

"Man has climbed Mount Everest. Gone to the bottom of the ocean. He has fired rockets at the Moon. Split the atom. Achieved miracles in every field of human endeavor... except crime!"

 

 

These WWII weather reports are certain to be reliable!  

 

 

We will show these Americans the might of German ingenuity!  With out new American Tanks!

 

 

And so, in the deserts of Belgium, the fate of Christmas will be decided!

 

 

To be frank, the movie is terrible.  The best part about it is the musical number. 

 

 

The best characters in it are Hessler, mainly because he mimics several parts of Patton's character from his 1970 film.  He's not cartoonishly evil, you might even think he could be honorable.  The mania of Nazism could be subtle, and it could take the average person like Conrad years before they discover it.  The makes Hessler far more compelling the the puppy-kicking Hitler from Hitler: The Rise of Evil.

 

 

The other being Conrad, the war weary father of two, who always gives Hessler the unvarnished truth.  In modern WWII films, you almost never see any German soldiers exhausted from the war.  It's either maniac German soldiers, fanatical German Soldiers, or child soldiers.  Conrad here, just wants an end to the war, victory or defeat.  His scenes mirror that of Omar Bradly from Patton, criticizing his Commander for loving war.  There's even a bit of Starship Troopers in the exchange, the idea of the never ending war, the next generation to be consumed by the war machine, just for the next generation to take their place after that.  Strange to see an early WWII film to have a German question the very concept, when in movies like Sink the Bismarck!, even the Jewish are portrayed as fanatical war-loving Nazis.

 

 

It's also a strange relationship, Hessler promotes Conrad, for what reasons I don't know.  Is there any point to rank if all you do is fetch boots?  And what is it in Conrad that Hessler sees worth promoting?  Is it the truth that Conrad speaks that Hessler values?  Hessler seems to change his mind about that in the end.

 

 

And oh yeah, Henry Fonda single handedly saves the incompetent Americans from themselves in the Battle of the Bulge.  The movie ends with a dedication to the memory of those who fought in the Battle.  Former-President Eisenhower came out of retirement to denounce this movie in a press conference, he hated it that much. 

 


Edited by Sventex, Dec 31 2017 - 22:14.


Xeraux #2 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:23

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Would definitely read again

Buttknuckle #3 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:30

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View PostXeraux, on Dec 28 2017 - 21:23, said:

Would definitely read again

 

Then lucky for you that he posted it 5 times.

Xeraux #4 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:31

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View PostButtknuckle, on Dec 28 2017 - 13:30, said:

Then lucky for you that he posted it 5 times.

It's Christmas all over again! 



riff_ #5 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:33

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General Eisenhower dislike this picture... a lot.

Just saying.



riversteel #6 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:33

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I will forgive you.

ShutUp_Karl #7 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:41

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I beg your pardon!!!

in no particular order the best 5 Christmas movies are:

 

  • Scrooged
  • Lethal Weapon
  • Die Hard
  • Die Hard 2
  • A Christmas Story


TheGrizzlay #8 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:42

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Good movie. Greatest Christmas movie ever? Die Hard says "hi". ;)

CapnNoahJoJo03 #9 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 22:52

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Scrooged bestest. And it’s a wonderful life.

RickPatton #10 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 23:06

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View PostButtknuckle, on Dec 28 2017 - 11:30, said:

 

Then lucky for you that he posted it 5 times.

 

I thought I had too much whiskey and was seeing this 5x.   Now I can drink some more.

YANKEE137 #11 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 23:08

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There's a scene where [SPOILER] Telly Savallas gets the turret shot off of his tank, yet there he is in the next scene riding around in a smashed tank without a scratch.

the_dude_76 #12 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 23:32

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I'm sorry but you're all wrong. Christmas Vacation was and is the greatest Christmas movie ever made by far. It is literally in a class all it's own...

Anlushac11 #13 Posted Dec 28 2017 - 23:51

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View Postthe_dude_76, on Dec 28 2017 - 17:32, said:

I'm sorry but you're all wrong. Christmas Vacation was and is the greatest Christmas movie ever made by far. It is literally in a class all it's own...

 

Who could ever forget that immortal classic scene "Sh****rs Full!"

 

When I was a very young kid, probably around 10 years old, the folks always went to a friends house for New Years Eve party. I had to go too and was parked in the family room with TV. No internet or cable TV back then. Every year the movie line up had that movie "Battle Of The Bulge".

 

Its easy to look back today and see how bad Bulge was but when I was 10 years old "Battle Of The Bulge", "Battle Of Britain", and "The Longest Day" were the top three most watched movies. The movie about the sinking of the Bismarck was the fourth.

 

I credit those four movies with sparking my interest in tanks and aircraft and to a lesser extent ships.

 

 

 

 


Edited by Anlushac11, Dec 28 2017 - 23:58.


Beesnest #14 Posted Dec 29 2017 - 02:57

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Lethalhavoc #15 Posted Dec 29 2017 - 05:48

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After watching that movie, i am 100% certain that WWII was faked.

Klaatu_Nicto #16 Posted Dec 29 2017 - 05:57

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Several times a year for a couple of decades at least this movie would air several times a year on TBS(?) on Sunday mornings. Same too with In Harms Way. I've seen both those movies so many times I can replay them in my head.

Sgt__Guffy #17 Posted Dec 29 2017 - 17:52

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I don't think it takes a lot of working out I'm a fan of "The Battle of the Bulge." You may also have noticed the German tanks are not Tigers! The other favourite high on the list is 'The Great Escape." 

 

Other Christmas Movies. well almost!

 

Enemy of the State

Babe

 

Christmas Vacation:

What are you going to do with that tree?

Bend over and you'll find out

You can't talk to me like that.

I wasn't talking to you!

 

Legendary!



Sventex #18 Posted Dec 30 2017 - 00:40

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View PostYANKEE137, on Dec 28 2017 - 23:08, said:

There's a scene where [SPOILER] Telly Savallas gets the turret shot off of his tank, yet there he is in the next scene riding around in a smashed tank without a scratch.

 

I'm fascinated to hear the logic of how that happened.  Did a defective AP shell penetrate into the tank and only explode upwards, blasting the turret off?  That doesn't seem to be right because the tank gun didn't fly out with the turret, so was it a high explosive shell that slammed into the turret and shattered it?

Edited by Sventex, Dec 30 2017 - 01:59.


RenamedUser_1005017780 #19 Posted Dec 30 2017 - 01:12

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I learned from this movie that the Americans won the battle by rolling barrels of fuel down a hill where the German (American) tanks were and setting it on fire. 

 

Another decent WWII film with a Christmas scene, Stalag 17.



Sgt__Guffy #20 Posted Dec 30 2017 - 01:32

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