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Stalin's Stache Comb


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ayatola_of_rock_n_rola #1 Posted Nov 04 2018 - 19:37

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History of the IS 48 Comb

 

 Nothing strikes fear into your enemies (especially baby faced capitalists) like a well groomed bro-stache.
At least according to Joseph Statlin. Thats why, according to recently found documents, Stalin, seeing that
the Cold War was imminent, ordered his top researchers to develop personal grooming products. After years
of painstaking research and development, the 284 person team produced the IS 48 Comb. The team was then taken
to a shallow ditch and shot (old habits are hard to break). During the 5 mile trip back to Moscow the truck
carrying the top secret cargo ran out of gas and the soldiers gallantly died of starvation guarding the
precious cargo, refusing to leave because decentralized command is for sissies.

 

 In early June of 1948 the cargo, which consisted of 1 prototype of the IS 48 comb and drawings, was picked up by a
then young military officer named Marko Ramius. Ramius smuggled the plans and the prototype to Berlin in hopes
using the information to defect to the west. Hearing rumors of his prize being in Berlin, Stalin blockaded the
city, forcing the allied western powers to fly supplies into the city. Stalin relented in September of 1949 after
an advisor mentioned that the French made wonderful personal grooming products and that it would be acceptable to
acquire them because the French were quasi-communist and did not pose any military threat whatsoever. After agreeing,
Stalin had the advisor and his entire known family tree shot, and for good measure sent everyone that lived within
4 blocks of the advisor sent to a re-education camp in Siberia, then blotted out the advisors name from any and all
records, again it pays to play it safe.

 

Meanwhile, Ramius could not smuggle himself or the plans out of Berlin but was able to get the prototype over the
line and into allied hands. The prototype was examined and stored in a large wooden crate in a U.S. Government warehouse.
It is rumored that the prototype comb was stored near either the Ark of the Covenant or some Crystal Skulls, endowing
the comb with magical powers that allowed the hair touched by said comb to defy reality. Rumors persist that the Bilderberg
Group procured the comb and use it on some of the group's puppet spokespeople.

 

 

 

Some years later, Ramius was able to steal a submarine and get the plans to western powers. By then any value in the plans was
lost. Ramius then tried to sell his story to Hollywood. While a movie was made, the courts ruled that the movie
did not directly copy Ramius' story and he was entitled to no financial compensation. After the trial a studio executive, or
it could have been Rush Limbaugh, the sources vary, was overheard saying that "we gave that pinko a lesson in freedom".

 

 After many years of freedom of information requests, in which the government denied the existence of said plans,
the plans have finally been found on Ebay for a buy it now of $2.00 plus $8.50 s&h (apparently they had no idea what they had).
Our engineer, some kid named Brady from the local tech school, painstakingly spent minutes converting the plans into a
3d model. In the spirit of socialism we are releasing this model, free of charge to anyone to print or use for personal use*.
So, if you are just some antifa kid** that couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag or a despot dictator getting
ready to purge tens of millions of your own citizens for the good of the state, your facial hair will be well groomed.

 

* Even though we don't believe in capitalism we will take advantage of every opportunity to sell you anything
** Assuming all the estrogen in your system doesn't completely kill any hint of your masculinity 

 

 

https://www.thingiverse.com/thing:3195741/files

https://www.shapeways.com/product/GEV4JY95C/kv-comb-v1?optionId=73699565 Can have this model printed and shipped from this link.


Edited by ayatola_of_rock_n_rola, Nov 05 2018 - 01:24.


NutrientibusMeaGallus #2 Posted Nov 04 2018 - 21:06

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  This makes me want to build a 3d printer........ 10/10 would buy on ebay (the actual comb)




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